Understanding the Connection Opportunities within Conflict

Learning some effective ways to readdress how we look at and interact with conflict. Conflict is not an enjoyable human interaction for us. But it is something we need to learn how to interact with, communication effectively within it, and grow our capacity towards security and safety within it.

Its important to first look at the ways we currently cycle through conflict and the loops we can fall into. Often a mindset we lean into is hyper-critical, defensiveness, trying to be heard at their expense (sometimes trying to win the argument), and not focusing on how to hear the other person.

Let’s start there. Setting our ego aside, and genuinely trying to hear and understand the other person. Before we can often be successful in this, we need to refocus our minds to find connection points (especially with our partners) of looking for ways they are showing up for you and trying to connect with you (Successes and Bids for Connections, Gottman’s). Once we establish connection, we can create very effective conflict where we are open minded, looking to understand, and are heard and valued.

In connection we set down our shields of defensiveness and hyper-critical focuses. While looking to be heard and hear them. Turning our shields into possibilities.